Volume 6
Jun 1st, 2008 by micahtillman
WEeding Awards, vol. 6
[<<Volume 5 | About | Winners | Records | FAQ | Volume 7>>]
Prologue
Seven more articles win WEedies, this week, and six of them come from conservatives. Volume 6 begins with four pieces on what we might call “domestic” issues, and ends with three pieces on “war” issues.
No less than two pieces tie the record for highest WEediness quotient (i.e., ?), but one of them moves into official first place due to its number of WEedy sentences!!!
Click on the links below to jump to the quotations and comments for whichever article looks most interesting.
29: “Sacrifices to the Climate Gods,” by Roy Spencer, National Review Online
30: “How We Really Help Ted,” by Jonathan Alter, Newsweek
31: “All About Me,” by Victor Davis Hanson, Real Clear Politics
32: “Same-Sex Marriage: Giant Leap in the Wrong Direction,” by Frank Pastore, Town Hall
33: “Feith: The War Is About Eliminating a Security Threat, Not Democracy Promotion,” by Andy McCarthy, National Review Online’s “The Corner” blog
34: “New Crops for Afghanistan,” by Lisa Schiffren, National Review Online’s “The Corner” blog
35: “McCain Takes Obama to School on Iraq,” by David Limbaugh, Town Hall
WEeding Winner 29
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
[ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
“Sacrifices to the Climate Gods,” by Roy Spencer, National Review Online
A:
“Although we shudder at the thought of such barbaric practices, I believe that we have unwittingly reinstituted human sacrifice in modern times. But while the list of justifications has grown immensely, our new rituals are still performed in the name of avoiding the wrath of the gods of nature.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
The question one wants to ask, then, is, “Is this going to be Mr. Spencer’s letter of repentance, or is he really talking in the first-person plural about something he would never dare do?”
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
B:
“Our environmental protection practices have already caused the deaths of millions of people, mainly in poor African countries.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
Wow. Really? Why would we do such a thing?
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
C:
“Since we now have the scientific method, we rely on computer models to predict these future catastrophes rather than on our fears and prejudices. While this gives the illusion of modern objective precision, the truth is that all we have done is enlisted one of our modern idols — the computer — to justify what we want to believe anyway.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
First, what a sweet possession that scientific method is, which all of us have. I wonder, did you remember to list “the Scientific Method” among your valuables for home insurance purposes?
Second, how does having the scientific method (observe, hypothesize, experiment, observe, revise, hypothesize, experiment, observe, revise, hypothesize, etc.) lead us to rely on computer models?
Third, do you think, in fact, that Mr. Spencer relies on computer models “to predict . . . future catastrophes”?
Fourth, the final sentence of C is simply too unbelievable. There is no way Mr. Spencer sees himself as a member of the group which uses “modern idols . . . to justify what [he] want[s] to believe anyway.”
It’s really hard to take someone seriously when he doesn’t take the very things he says seriously. (Even when you are like me, and actually agree with him, sans the WEeds.)
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
D:
“But we also know that the Martian atmosphere has 15 times as much CO2 as our own atmosphere, and its surface temperature averages about 70 deg. F below zero.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
That was news to me. Did you know that?
Who’s the “we” who knew this, then?
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
E:
“Why do we love to believe that mankind is a plague upon the Earth? We view anything and everything that happens in nature, no matter how barbaric, bloody, or destructive, as good.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
That is a question. Why do you love to believe that mankind is a plague upon the Earth, Mr. Spencer? Why do you view anything and everything that happens in nature, no matter how barbaric, bloody, or destructive, as good?
Obviously you don’t.
But you said you did.
Why, Mr. Spencer? Why?
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
F:
“If a volcano like Mt. Pinatubo in the Philippines dumps millions of tons of sulfur into the stratosphere, cooling the Earth for two or three years, this is simply Mother Nature at work. If humans did it, we would call it an environmental catastrophe.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
Or rather, Mr. Spencer wouldn’t, but other people would. He just doesn’t want to be too offensive to the people he thinks are terrible, and therefore tries to paint himself as one of them to make it look like he’s being humble. (See, FAQ)
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
G:
“And now we are teaching our children to perform their own acts of worship, again hoping to placate the gods of the natural world. Substituting compact fluorescent light bulbs for incandescent ones, and turning the light off when they leave the room, makes them feel good about themselves and their relationship to nature. These rituals being taught in the public schools will help define their still-developing worldviews and religious beliefs.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
Congratulations on your new job! Evidently we’re all public school teachers teaching our own children to become Environment Worshipers.
I wonder how soon Mr. Spencer is going to get fired from his teaching post, after his principal reads his article.
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
H:
“We are already causing a food crisis around the world by converting food, such as corn, into liquid fuels for transportation. Now, with the Climate Security Act, we will also be causing additional turmoil at home as the poor struggle to survive in a world where only the middle class and wealthy can afford to live relatively comfortably.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
And now he’s accusing his fellow public school teachers of Crimes Against Humanity! He is so fired!
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
I:
“We will, in effect, be sacrificing even more humans at the altar of radical environmentalism in the vain hope that the gods in charge of weather and climate will look favorably upon us, and not destroy us.” -Roy Spencer
Comment:
And if only Mr. Spencer had identified the real culprits, instead of spreading the blame around with his WEeds. How are you supposed to stop yourself from committing murder if you’re not the one committing murder?! If there are people who need to be brought up on charges, Mr. Spencer, tell us who they are so we can . . . I don’t know. What is it exactly you want us to do?
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ]
Judgment:
Mr. Spencer’s piece is vitally important. I think he’s correct on every count — if you ignore the WEeds. (”What’s wrong with weeds?“) But since I count thirteen WEedy sentences in Mr. Spencer’s piece, it deserves a WEedy.
WEediness Quotient: [FAQ]
13/5 = 2.6
[Post More Comments]
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
WEeding Winner 30
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
[ A ]
“How We Really Help Ted,” by Jonathan Alter, Newsweek
Reasons for Winning:
A:
“We’ll soon find out if the senators who were choked up last week at the prospect of losing their beloved colleague will be ready to get serious about cancer. Think we’re already spending enough? Jordan sent me an e-mail toting up how we spend more in six months in Iraq ($54 billion) than we’ve spent in 30 years on the National Cancer Institute, which funds most cancer research. Today, only two in 10 grant proposals from qualified researchers are funded by the NCI, which means that plenty of possible cures die for lack of funding.” -Jonathan Alter
Comment:
Actually, Mr. Alter, I hadn’t considered how much money you were spending on cancer research. Do you think you’re spending enough? Hearing how much you’re spending “in Iraq” compared to how much you’ve “spent in 30 years on the National Cancer Institute” makes me think you must be not a little disappointed with yourself.
Maybe you should think about not giving so much to Iraq so you can give more to the NCI (so they can take on those other 8 in 10 grant proposals).
[Post More Comments] [ A ]
Judgment:
Such an important issue! Such a sad submission of self to government. As if “we” are “them,” and have no other options. Only two WEedy sentences, but that’s enough to earn this piece a WEedy. (”What’s wrong with weeds?“)
WEediness Quotient: [FAQ]
2/3 = 0.66666…
[Post More Comments]
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
WEeding Winner 31
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
[ A | B | C | D | F | G ]
“All About Me,” by Victor Davis Hanson, Real Clear Politics
Reasons for Winning:
A:
“Here is how our baby-boom generation solves problems:” -Victor Davis Hanson
Comment:
An entire generation solves problems? Isn’t it mildly shocking to hear a conservative talking like a collectivist? Almost Borg-like.
This isn’t a WEedy sentence, because the instance of the first-person plural in it is legitimate. But the group-reification (a consequence of WEedy thinking) would automatically make this article eligible for a “Groupy” (if such an award existed).
(If you were wondering, Dr. Hanson should have said, “Here is the way many members of our baby-boom generation tend to solve problems:”)
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | F | G ]
B:
“When the bubble inevitably burst, cries of outrage followed about how “they” (never “we”) caused a “depression” in housing. Our leaders shrieked about greedy lenders and incompetent regulators who foreclosed on us — never that the American people themselves caused much of the speculation problem, or that housing prices are finally becoming affordable again for new couples.” -Victor Davis Hanson
Comment:
There are some fascinating things going on here. Notice how Dr. Hanson focuses on the first- and third-person plurals, arguing that the former would have been more proper.
But then he goes on to claim “the American people themselves caused much of the speculation problem.” We’re all real estate speculators to Mr. Hanson? Surely he doesn’t believe this. I, for one, am not a real estate speculator, and don’t think I’ve ever met one.
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | F | G ]
C:
“Over 70 percent of the American people, and a majority of Democratic senators, wanted to remove Saddam Hussein — overwhelming support for the administration’s war that rose even higher as a brilliant campaign finished off the Baathists in three weeks.
“But when a messy insurgency erupted, suddenly we heard that our victory was ruined by “their stupid occupation.”" -Victor Davis Hanson
Comment:
Once again, Dr. Hanson is focusing on the shifting of “person” in pluralized pronouns. He says the the Baby Boomers (at least) wanted the Iraq War at first, only to divest themselves of it, calling it “their . . . occupation.”
And yet Dr. Hanson speaks of “the administration’s war” as leading to “our victory”! He wasn’t there fighting, and yet he claims it as his own.
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | F | G ]
D:
“What are the baby boomers’ collective traits? Like all perpetual adolescents who suffer arrested development, we always want things both ways: Don’t drill or explore for more energy, but nevertheless demand ever more fuel from other suppliers.” -Victor Davis Hanson
Comment:
Did I mention this was a conservative talking? “Collective traits”!?! And even though he does not share these traits (he is criticizing them), he speaks in the first person about them.
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | F | G ]
E:
“When things don’t go well, we always blame someone else. Why drill off Santa Barbara or Alaska when we can sue those terrible Saudis for not putting more oil platforms in their Persian Gulf?” -Victor Davis Hanson
Comment:
You do, Dr. Hanson? You always blame someone else? And you can sue the Saudis? Really? In what court will you be filing?
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | F | G ]
F:
“And in our self-absorption, no one accepted that our notorious appetites created more problems than our supposed “caring” solved.” -Victor Davis Hanson
Comment:
In this part of the article, Dr. Hanson is doing some excellent critiquing of how some people think about themselves (using the first person). And yet he falls into the same trap of being focussed on “we.” Clearly Dr. Hanson does not believe himself to be self-absorbed, nor does he believe himself to have a “notorious appetite,” nor does he think himself to have merely cared in a “supposed” way. But he talks in the first person about each.
And he has “accepted that . . . notorious appetites create[] more problems than . . . supposed ‘caring’ solved.” Yet he speaks as if he hadn’t.
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | F | G ]
G:
“The fault of this age, dear baby boomers, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.” -Victor Davis Hanson
Comment:
After saying, in the paragraph previous to this sentence, that “the anonymous ‘they’” were not to blame for various problems, Dr. Hanson goes on to blame himself for things he clearly does not believe himself to have caused.
So much wasted potential for clarity!
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | F | G ]
Judgment:
If this article were WEeded, it would be an excellent piece. It says much of importance. (”What’s wrong with weeds?“)
WEediness Quotient: [FAQ]
7/10 = 0.7
[Post More Comments]
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
WEeding Winner 32
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
[ A | B | C ]
“Same-Sex Marriage: Giant Leap in the Wrong Direction,” by Frank Pastore, Town Hall
Reasons for Winning:
A:
“However, since the sexual revolution of the 1960s, we have increased the number of broken families producing damaged children, and these damaged children have burdened both the size and cost of the welfare state.” -Frank Pastore
Comment:
You have, Mr. Pastore? Why have you been doing that? Why?
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C ]
B:
“Our social problems are not due to a lack of spending, but to a lack of moral values. The answer to our social and economic problems is not to grow a bigger welfare state that will only hasten our moral decline, but to strengthen the American family and return to the Judeo-Christian values that created our prosperity to begin with. Abstinence, “till death do we part” marriage, then children born into a nurturing family—this was the path to American greatness. Illegitimacy, no-fault divorce and broken families is the path of our destruction.” -Frank Pastore
Comment:
Who are the “we” whose “social problems” these are? Surely they are not Mr. Pastore’s problems!
Who is in a “moral decline”? Surely not Mr. Pastore!
And who are the “we” to whose “destruction” there is a path consisting of “[i]llegitimacy, no-fault divorce and broken families”?
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C ]
C:
“Same-sex marriage is a giant leap in the wrong direction. We must turn around while our course is still reversible.” -Frank Pastore
Comment:
Since Mr. Pastore is not involved in same-sex marriage, how does he propose to turn around? He doesn’t think he’s going in the wrong direction.
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C ]
Judgment:
This kind of ownership of other people’s problems, and the despair it creates, is one of the dangers of WEedy thinking. (”What’s wrong with weeds?“)
WEediness Quotient: [FAQ]
5/1 = 5
[Post More Comments]
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
WEeding Winner 33
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
[ A ]
“Feith: The War Is About Eliminating a Security Threat, Not Democracy Promotion,” by Andy McCarthy, National Review Online’s “The Corner” blog
Reasons for Winning:
A:
“For years, I’ve been beating the seemingly dead horse that the reason we deposed Saddam was to eliminate a national security threat not to establish Iraqi democracy . . . .
Today, in a Wall Street Journal op-ed, Doug Feith — a guy who was there — makes exactly this case.” -Andy McCarthy
Comment:
If Mr. Feith “was there,” and Mr. McCarthy wasn’t, how is it that Mr. McCarthy thinks he (McCarthy) “deposed Saddam”? Soldiers did. McCarthy didn’t.
[Post More Comments] [ A ]
Judgment:
Using WEEds to take credit for what others have done . . . . (”What’s wrong with weeds?“)
WEediness Quotient: [FAQ]
1/0 = ? [A tie for the highest WEediness Quotient record!]
[Post More Comments]
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
WEeding Winner 34
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
[ A | B ]
“New Crops for Afghanistan,” by Lisa Schiffren, National Review Online’s “The Corner” blog
Reasons for Winning:
A:
“We, in the form of the DEA, have been sending specialists out to Afghanistan since the 1980s to persuade them, by carrot or stick, to stop growing opium poppies.” -Lisa Schiffren
Comment:
This sentence is utterly baffling. “We, in the form of the DEA . . . .” What?! We can take form as different things? We are mighty morphin’ power . . . Americans?
The DEA isn’t even elected by “us”!
[Post More Comments] [ A | B ]
B:
“There is nothing complicated about why our many attempts have failed, or, at best, only temporarily displaced poppy growth.” -Lisa Schiffren
Comment:
Do tell us why your attempts have failed. While you’re at it, tell me why my attempts have failed. Then you can tell me why “our” attempts have failed.
Don’t you love it when people tell you you’ve been failing at something you’ve never even tried?
[Post More Comments] [ A | B ]
Judgment:
Did you feel the despair rising in you, as you were WEedily informed of your DEA doppelganger’s failures? (”What’s wrong with weeds?“)
WEediness Quotient: [FAQ]
2/0 = ? [A tie for the highest WEediness Quotient record! (Though, because it has more WEedy sentences that the other two pieces which achieved a WEediness Quotient of ?, it will be awarded first place!)]
[Post More Comments]
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
WEeding Winner 35
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
[ A | B | C | D | E ]
“McCain Takes Obama to School on Iraq,” by David Limbaugh, Town Hall
Reasons for Winning:
A:
“In thrashing President Bush over Iraq since before we invaded, the mainstream media and the Democratic Party have succeeded in convincing much of the public that the war is a failure and that we must withdraw immediately.” -David Limbaugh
Comment:
Mr. Limbaugh invaded Iraq, evidently, and is afraid other Americans, who also invaded Iraq (evidently) are going to pull him out.
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E ]
B:
“These mixed poll results show at the very least that a significant number of Americans are open-minded and receptive to the notion that our national interest demands we remain there until we establish substantial order and that Iraqi security forces be able to maintain that order upon our withdrawal.” -David Limbaugh
Comment:
It’s nice to hear that Mr. Limbaugh likes it so much in Iraq, and wants to stay. His goal of “establish[ing] substantial order” is most noble.
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E ]
C:
“The problem for Obama and Democrats on Iraq is that their worldview doesn’t permit them to view Iraq favorably, facts be damned, because they don’t believe in the mission, and they don’t understand we are truly fighting our enemy in Iraq.” -David Limbaugh
Comment:
Actually, “truly” “we” are not “fighting our enemy in Iraq.” Soldiers are. We aren’t.
“[F]acts be damned,” eh?
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E ]
D:
“Iraq — as al-Qaida makes clear every day — is the primary battleground in the war on terror, and we are defeating al-Qaida there as we speak.” -David Limbaugh
Comment:
You are, Mr. Limbaugh? Well, it was nice of you to file this report from the front lines!
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E ]
E:
“This unspeakably arrogant position is embarrassingly wrongheaded, and McCain must continue to articulate that our effort in Iraq is central to our successful prosecution of the war.” -David Limbaugh
Comment:
I was under the impression that military and government types, not pundits, prosecuted wars. But evidently I was wrong . . . .
[Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E ]
Judgment:
Mr. Limbaugh decries his political opponents’ inability to see the situation clearly, and yet his vision is full of WEEds. (”What’s wrong with weeds?“)
WEediness Quotient: [FAQ]
5/2 = 2.5
[Post More Comments]
[<<prev. | top | contents | next>>]
Call for Nominations
Have you encountered any texts online (posts, articles, comments, speeches, websites, etc.) which need WEeding? I welcome nominations for future WEeding Awards, so keep your eye out while you’re surfing! Just use the Contact page, and send me the URL.
Thanks!
[<<Volume 5 | About | Winners | Records | FAQ | Volume 7>>]
Jump Back:
| Winner 29 [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ] (by Spencer) | Winner 30 [ A ] (by Alter) |
| Winner 31 [ A | B | C | D | F | G ] (by Hanson) | Winner 32 [ A | B | C ] (by Pastore) |
| Winner 33 [ A ] (by McCarthy) | Winner 34 [ A | B ] (by Schiffren) |
| Winner 35 [ A | B | C | D | E ] (by Limbaugh) |
[...] 29: “Sacrifices to the Climate Gods,” by Roy Spencer, National Review Online [...]
[...] [Post More Comments] [ A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I ] [...]
[...] [<<prev. | top | contents | next>>] [ A | B | C | D | F | G ] [...]
[...] [<<prev. | top | contents | next>>] [ A | B ] [...]
[...] Remarks at AIPAC Policy Conference, by Barack Obama [...]
[...] Comments « Volume 6 [...]
[...] No longer are obese people wantonly destroying their own bodies/health. They’re destroying the earth. Kind of like when homosexuals were destroying America. [...]
[...] [<<prev. | top | contents | next>>] [...]